Dear Rhoelyn…

Why is she insulting my lovely red-and-gold cap?

That was the first thought through my head as I opened your letter one crisp cool morning in Darnassus. Well, to be honest, not my first thought: that would be have been me wondering what the gnome in front of me at the postbox had received to make her quite so happy. Actually, not my second thought either: that one was run for cover!, since her excited giggles were swiftly followed by a large explosion and said gnome disappearing rapidly off the side of Teldrassil… anyway, once I dragged myself out of the pond, dried off my feathers, and put out the fire that was threatening to eat my hat, that was what I thought.

So I read your letter with a bit of astonishment and a bit of early-morning owlbearish grumpiness… but as I read, everything started to make sense. I took off my cap, sat it on a treestump and stared at it for a little while. By the time that the gnome (minus hair) had reappeared through the Darnassus portal, I was convinced - I had to find myself a better hat!

And thus I began my quest. I searched high and low, from the really nice sweet shop in Stormwind to my favourite moon-cake stall in Lower City (I really can’t get enough of those moon-cakes… and besides, I always say: a heavy bear is an even more effective tank!) I visited a few underground caves (and found that blind turtles are pretty terrible headgear), mysterious hermits (I bought him beer in return for the Secret of the Hat, but all he gave me in the end was a mad giggle and the mysterious incantation “lol nub ur hat sux”), two dodgy traders (one wanted my soul in exchange for his best hat, but I said no; the other one wanted a kiss from me as a moonkin… he was really weird, so I ran away) and one distant mountaintop seven days’ hard hike from anywhere, where I found a Moondoe’s Coffee stand but no hats.

I did make a couple of hat-shaped discoveries along the way, but most of them were false starts…

Mountainlord's Sheepcap of Sagacity

Finally, after so many days of trudging around mountains with no breaks (apart from to stuff my beak with tasty moon-cake…mmm!) I happened upon the end to my quest, the ultimate prize, the headgear to end all headgear - the Hatly Grail of hats! It was both pretty and useful, with enough mana buzzing around it to make a blood elf drool and just the right combination of enchantments to make me an incredibly effective, impressively able and ultimately almighty owlbear of astrally energized incendiary … doominess! It was also hoot-inducingly expensive - especially after the gnome tinker who’d sold it to me threw in an extra-special moonkin tuning upgrade - but so, so worth it.

So, I came back to Darnassus happy that I would never again have to wear a Bad Hat. You were right. I’ve seen the light, and it is the light of the laser beams blasting things to bits ahead of me…

My Hat

Yours fluffily,

- Khi ^^